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Date: 2018-02-09 07:35

There’s playful, flirty teasing and then there’s backhanded “compliments” and straight-up insults. Even if they’re not playing PUA [pickup artist] status games, they’re still indicating a lack of respect for you.

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Not all boundaries are sexual, however. Your date sharing too much personal information too soon can be a boundary-pushing red flag as well. As commenter ImprobableJoe explains , if Sally is telling you extremely personal things over your first cup of coffee together, there could be some more serious emotional issues at play. If you ask Sally if you can buy her a drink, for example, and she declines and explains that she has a bad history with alcohol, that’s okay. But if Sally is telling you her deepest, darkest secrets just to make idle conversation, it may signal that her definition of personal boundaries is much different than most people’s. Her sharing things isn’t necessarily bad, but if it makes you uncomfortable, it’s definitely a red flag for you.

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Some people live for drama. The video above, from Art of Manliness , explains these are the folks who go out of their way to stir up controversy whenever things seem a little flat or boring. The video is meant for straight men, but there are definitely “drama kings” out there as well, so the same advice applies to everyone. Nerdlove notes a few other ways to spot a “drama queen/king”:

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The first stage of dating someone can be exciting, invigorating, and intoxicating—but it can also be perilous if you’re not careful. If you see too many of these red flags flying instead of fireworks, you might want to look for love elsewhere.

If they are always having some crisis that’s never their fault, if they expect you to provide constant reassurances, drain the emotional energy out of you, or they get upset at signs that you have a life outside of them, then you should ditch them immediately.

For example, your cute date Lola might shrug off the things that matter to you, all the while expecting you to show interest in the things she likes. Or Lola won’t stop bragging and talking about herself , and when she does give you a chance to talk she’s just waiting for a chance to cut back in. Maybe Lola doesn’t have any presence whatsoever , constantly glancing at her phone or getting distracted and losing track of the conversation. Perhaps worst of all, Lola does have nice things to say, but only about your appearance , or your possessions, and doesn’t show any interest in getting to know you personally. A compliment is nice, but nothing but compliments makes it obvious what they’re after. You hear those trumpets? It’s a red flag raising ceremony.

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Don’t just listen to what they’re saying, listen to how they’re saying it. Implications can be just as disrespectful as straight-up insults, and they can be sinister and long-held.

A pretty specific example is when a guy asks you how you “take care of yourself.” That’s essentially code for “Are you going to get fat on me?” I have a slender figure, but some douchenozzles get ultra-concerned when I tell them I don’t particularly care about fitness. You are never going to be able to please a body-negative jerk like that.

Disrespect can come in all shapes and sizes, though, and it’s not always easy to read. Your date may be judgemental about your appearance or lifestyle. Or they may assume things about your culture or background , regardless of what you tell them. As commenter Book Club Babe explains , disrespect can be veiled as well:

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